May 2009

special thanks to arri gaffer for helping me this one…

you dont bring me flowers any more (<tocalo)

Welcome to Hexalia’s Exotics!

I need a special  arrangement…

Yes? What mood do you want?  Is it business? Here is a lovely formal design.
Lost love reunited perhaps?  Pink roses are perfect…

Friends tell me you deal in emotional blooms…

Certainly! Currently I have spears of Gladiolas, Madilolas, and Egadiolas.

Anything more dark or sinister? It’s for the rehearsal dinner of my ex and her new trophy partner…

Might I suggest a centerpiece of Callow Lilies, Shunflowers and Penury Blossums…
with sprigs of Purple Violence at each place setting… bouquets to end any relationship in 90 days or less, guaranteed.

this was originally written to coincide with lincoln’s birthday…

picking a date (<play me)

Abe was stumped.

The Ball was his invitation into “polite society”, and he wanted to make a good first impression. Growing up in rural Kentucky, Abe had never “run with the cool kids”. Here it was Thursday, and he still hadn’t decided on a date for the weekend.

There was saucy Rebecca Stevens, with her fiery wit, or social Mary Todd, with a sweet temperament and a rich daddy.

Scratching the stubble on his chin, Abe reached into his pocket, pulled out a penny, and flicked it in the air.

“Heads it’s Mary, Tails, ‘Becca,” he said, smirking to himself.

final verdict (<play me)

Canines and Felines of the jury:
Ignore your emotions. Only weigh the evidence when deciding about William Wegman.

Consider how he tortured Man and Fay Ray for years, isolating them from their pack,
anthropomorphing them… robbing them of their canine dignity.

Wegman exploited the Rays from early puppyhood to their last days, expecting, no, DEMANDING obedience. He dressed them for his perverted pleasures, and profited from his dogsploitation!

You’ve seen the photos – hundreds of them. Recall the haunted looks, the humiliating postures, the demoralization of these once proud dogs.…

Let justice be served – Find Wegman guilty of Gross Animal Cruelty!

(sorry, no soundfile on this one – IT’S TOO BIG)

Some say Italians make the best shoes: supple leather loafers, spiky fashion heels, sturdy Alp summitting boots. I despise concrete shoes…

I prefer abstract footwear, known as shoeness in certain circles. My favorite designer, Lincoln Haddock, conceives shoeness that allows toes to express their individual “phalangeness”. He sees them as splatter-colored chaotic motion ideas for feet. I’ve never seen my Haddock’s, but they go with positively everything, and are always a perfect fit. They feel like walking on the beach, without the grit.

Waiter, can I please order now?
What do you mean, “No Shoes, No Shirt, No Service?”